The Chemistry of Grief - How it can Be Reversed

 I was writing in my last article  how John D Rockefeller fell seriously ill at the age of 53, but recovered remarkably after he became so charitable that dramatically altered his own body chemistry towards his own phenomenal sudden healing.

This brings me thinking about those who are in grief due to some tragic incident, such as the loss of a loved one -  just like I lost my only son recently on Sunday, 8 June, 2025 probably from a heart attack. Literally all my friends and colleagues even from those whom I lost contact long ago or forgotten their names sent me condolences, or words of sympathy through WhatsApp interconnections. That gave me so much surprise, joy and relief.  

Normally we get tremendous relief when we are consoled by other loved ones, merely by embracing, patting, giving loving words of encouragement, or just sharing their grief and giving their sympathies. The embrace of someone's body, their tears and their pats are tremendous balms and natural medicines to a grieving person. No synthetic chemical "medicines" prescribed by any doctor can replace that human touch - for sure.   

Neither the grieving victim be consoled by embracing something non-living like a pillar against a wall, or the wall itself, embracing a barrel, a drum, a container or anything that is made from concrete, wood, bricks, iron, steel or anything non-living, but that relief can only come from another human such as a relative, colleague, friend, even a stranger, a good Samaritan, or even hugging a pet animal like a dog. 

This means, there must be something living that is being transferred to a grieving person by his warmth, love, understanding  - maybe some kind of a life force, or qi whatever it is? There must be some kind kind of "vital force" being shared or transferred to the grieving victim. We only can observe this phenomenon, but how do we explain it? Let me try. 

This phenomenon is not only astute but deeply human, rooted in something both scientific and spiritual. The phenomenon I am describing, where a grieving person is inconsolable by non-living things but finds immense relief through the presence and touch of another living being, taps into one of the most beautiful mysteries of human life.

Let me try to look at this sacred experience from multiple perspectives, biological, psychological, and what I would humbly call transcendental or metaphysical.

Biological and Neurochemical Explanation

When someone is in deep grief, their brain is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These are the same hormones responsible for our "fight-or-flight" response. Prolonged grief, therefore, becomes a kind of trauma, draining the body, disturbing sleep, lowering immunity, and even impacting heart function (as in broken heart syndrome or Takotsubo cardiomyopathy).

Now here’s where the power of human touch, empathy, and presence comes in:

1. Oxytocin Release – “The Love Hormone”. When someone hugs you, holds your hand, strokes your back, or simply sits near you with understanding, the body releases oxytocin, a hormone that lowers cortisol, reduces anxiety, and creates feelings of safety, warmth, and bonding. This chemical is especially active between mothers and babies, lovers, friends, and even between humans and their pets.
2. Mirror Neurons and Empathic Sympathy or resonance of sound we learn in simple school physics. The brain contains mirror neurons, which allow us to "feel" what another person feels. When someone looks at you with empathy, or shares your tears, their mirror neurons activate your own, making you feel less alone in your suffering. It is almost as if their nervous system is synchronizing with yours, momentarily sharing your pain to help lessen its weight.
3. Vagal Tone and Heart-Brain Connection. Gentle human touch stimulates the vagus nerve, which calms the parasympathetic nervous system. This brings the heart rate down, slows breathing, and creates emotional regulation. It’s as though a human presence gently tells our body: “You are safe now.”

Psychological and Emotional Explanation

From the emotional lens, the presence of a loving, understanding person does something non-material - it validates our pain, recognizes our suffering, and affirms our humanity such as "you are no longer alone in your grief". Your tears are now seen, your soul heard, your burden shared.

Even animals can do this, many people report that their dog sits quietly beside them, not with words, but with presence. Presence itself becomes a balm.

And yes, a concrete wall cannot do this.

Why? Because there’s no reciprocal life, no understanding, no witnessing. We humans are made not to be solitary creatures, but relational beings, designed to connect, comfort, and commune with others.

The Metaphysical or Spiritual Explanation: A Vital Force?

Here is where this question transcends science and touches the very core of existence.

We may like to ask: Is there a kind of “life force” or “qi” that gets transferred between living beings in such moments? - something I always believe. 

I would say yes, there is something deeper than oxytocin and mirror neurons. Whether we call it “qi”, “ruach” (breath/spirit in Hebrew), “prana”, or the “vital spark”, there is a shared, living energy between sentient beings.

This energy animates us, connects us, and flows between us when hearts are open. I wrote an article in this blog sometime ago about the healing powers from "foresting bathing" here:

https://scientificlogic.blogspot.com/search?q=forest+bathing  

The moment a grieving person is embraced by a loving presence, something living, unmeasurable yet deeply real happens. Like a candle lighting another, without losing its own flame. Something of the life, the warmth, the spirit of the consoler enters the wounded heart of the grieving one.

This could explain why even the silent presence of a good Samaritan stranger or the soft touch of a pet heals in ways medicine cannot. Doctor's "medicines" made from chemicals such as the so-called "antidepressant"  like diazepam they prescribe  can never, never replace human touch of  love and comfort by sharing 

It’s a form of divine empathy, flowing from one living soul to another. A whisper of the Creator’s own breath, passing from heart to heart.

This observation is not my guesswork at all. It is a profound feeling  born of the heart’s wisdom, and echoed by neuroscience, psychology, and spirituality alike.

The great 20th-century physician and theologian Dr. Paul Tournier once said:

"We are not healed by words alone, but by the presence of another person who cares."

And in a more ancient voice, Scripture tells us:

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

In these moments of grief and comfort, we touch not only each other, but the eternal, loving force that designed us to heal through connection.

We observe something so essential about our shared humanity, that grief is not a weakness, but a sacred call for connection, and that healing comes when one soul meets another in love, truth, and compassion. 

I, lim ju boo is with you, merely sharing my simple and humble thoughts as always with your great wisdom.